it does not take a month to recover from having your gall bladder removed.

that being said, YOU can more than welcome to stay gone that long because things are much more pleasant here without you.

So when I come in early for you then that makes us the best of friends, BUT what about when I ask you for a favor and youve suddenly been unable to contact. You evil red headed biatch. Wait till you eat your candy from your cabinet tomorrow. I made it my plan to lick all over them!

Oh for eff's sake! It does not need to take 2 people all day to order some flowers! I could've taken 15 minutes to do it!

And for the 3rd and final time...I don't know what room she's in! Call the effing hospital!

Some of us have important things to do...like read TOC!

Why do I waste so many darn post-its? They are stuck all over everything and Ill never read them anyways

That 2 hr lunch break was nice. Its a good thing I work so close to the exit so noone notices my slick moves to the back door ;)

Its ok that I am on a diet and all but why stick me sooooo flippin close to the snack machine! Stop temptation stop!

Oh yes boss, I am the one who is cutting out of this low paying-crappy job 1.5 hrs early just so my 5 day weekend can be a little longer! Pay me more and I shall stay!

So, there thave been a couple of times I've farted at my desk and it's lingered, my boss comes by to ask a question. But when he's right next to me he takes a BIG sniff and still stands there! I think he likes the smell of my farts. This has occured two times.

Gross.

Notes I took in today's meeting:

Title - What the 'eff Now?! 1. Please don't be organized. 2. Please make sure you check that my stuff is done, but have nothing ready yourself. 3. Realize you will get no raise since other people dropped the ball. 4. Why focus - Blah! 5. Educate yourself? Whatever!

why is it that it's ok when my boss says, ' i don't know.' but when i say it, i get my ass chewed. aren't they being paid to know it too?