I am THROUGH being the nice guy at work!! My new year's resolution: use ALL of my sickdays next year and use my vacation days at the most selfish and inopportune times for the company. Take THAT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

We actually have company policies on not wearing intense scents, etc., etc..

But how do you tell someone you have to work with EVERY SINGLE DAY that they smell bad???

I really need to start paying attention to this. I don't think my co-worker has worked a whole work week in months. Wonder how the sick pay keeps multiplying?

"Stop adjusting your crotch while you stand in front of me and talk. "

We called this "re-arranging the furniture" in a past office life because we had one guy who had a nervous tick or something and CONSTANTLY did this. Ewwwwwww.

I think I dropped my gun at the mall this weekend. Crap!

Forest; I wanna go home.

I got drunk with my boss last week. We bar-hopped and got lost and ran through a Wal-Mart to find a bathroom. We played music too loug, shared wings at a bar and had a roaringly good time.

I had a horrible hangover the next day, but now we're good buddies. I'm glad...being friends with your boss is a nice feeling to have.

Can I skip Christmas this year?

It's not even 10am and I can already hear a wine bottle calling my name!

Because NOTHING happens between 8 and 5.

Nothing. I'm so freaking bored. Somebody please call me. Anybody! Even jerk-face client, I'll talk to you today.